


Flatterer

by KisstheRainWriting



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F, Flirting, I have no idea when this is supposed to be set y'all, Like post Clara pre-Bill? Idk, Missy Being Missy, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, She's def not reformed yet so that's hot or bad whatever, The Doctor is all Duty of Care and then is just a little shit, doctor who/reader - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:42:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23416168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KisstheRainWriting/pseuds/KisstheRainWriting
Summary: Missy asks you to say something nice. You accidentally flirt for your life.Questionable love tokens and a Concerned Doctor ensue.
Relationships: Missy (Doctor Who) & Reader, Missy (Doctor Who)/Reader, The Master (Doctor Who)/Reader
Comments: 9
Kudos: 137





	Flatterer

A clipped voice whispered in your ear—hard, cold, like steel. But somehow still a caress, oddly intimate: “Say something nice.”

You inhaled. The shaky sound broke the sudden, suffocating silence. You knew that no one would hear you. That Missy could kill you, would kill you, so quickly that whatever words you said next would be your last. That the Doctor wouldn’t be able to save you, wouldn’t even make it into the room before your ashes settled on the floor.

“Come on.” Her breath hot on your neck, impatient. “Say. Something. _Nice_.”

You angled your head to face her. Your pulse thrummed against her grip on your neck. _The Doctor will kill you if anything happens to me. I’m more useful to you alive. You can make a trade. I don’t want to die. Please. I haven’t seen enough yet._ You scanned her face. Her mouth was a shocking red against her pale skin.

“You’re—” You cleared your throat, and she loosened her grip on your neck, only slightly. She leaned forward mockingly, listening intently to what you were about to say. “You’re the snappiest dresser we’ve come up against,” you managed. The hand at your neck twitched. Surprise, maybe. “And you have beautiful eyes.”

You felt, rather than saw, Missy hesitate.

Then the hot metal of the device left your skin, and you released the breath you’d been holding. Missy stepped away from you, circling you, appraising you. You watched her, eyes tracking every movement, every swish of her plum skirts around her heels. Her lips were pursed.

Suddenly, her laugh split the air. A bright, mad cackle the color of her lipstick. You stared at her as she clutched her chest and laughed. As she wiped away a non-existent tear, the laugh subsided into a low giggle.

She smiled at you, baring her teeth. “Oh, flattery will get you _everywhere_ , ape brain.” She gave you an exaggerated wink. Then, without really seeing her move, she was against you again, face inches from yours, eyes narrowed in a smirk. “When you next see the Doctor, send him my regards and the old ‘ _na-na-na-na-na, you can’t catch me_.’ But,” her voice dropped to a stage-whisper, “I wouldn’t mention _this_ to him, dear, just keep it between _us girls_. He always has been the jealous type, you know, and he wouldn’t understand our _connection_.” She booped your nose with her finger, her canines flashing in the blue light. “Ta.”

She was gone.

You slid down to the floor, taking in deep breaths.

You could still feel her breath on your neck.

****

The Doctor frowned, lowering his sunglasses to eye you over their rims. “So she just… left.”

“Yep,” you popped the ‘p,’ forcing nonchalance, paying no attention to his raised eyebrows or how her perfume still clung to you. Something heady, floral, strong. Hyacinth, maybe.

“Doesn’t sound much like her.”

“Oh. She also said to tell you, ‘na-na-na-na-na, you can’t catch me.’” You cleared your throat. “I think I was supposed to sing it, but that’s definitely not happening.”

He pursed his lips, saying only “Hm” before—

A knock.

You looked up from the steps, eyes meeting the Doctor’s. “Was that a—”

He looked at the TARDIS doors. “Uh-huh.”

“But aren’t we in—”

“The Time Vortex? Yes.” The familiar sound of the TARDIS’s breaks echoed, and the Doctor stepped away from the console. You were now floating in the vastness of space.

“So how would—”

Pushing up his sonic sunglasses, he moved toward the police box window. “ _No idea_.”

You crept up behind him to peer over his shoulder. “It’s crazy how we finish each other’s—”

“Y/N, dial the witty banter down to a four, please.”

You scoffed. You put your hand on his shoulder, suddenly feeling quite nervous as he gently pushed open the TARDIS doors. You tried to crane over him, but the skinny alien was trying to shield you from whatever was on the other side of the door. Stubborn man.

Straightening, Doctor held up a thin brown box. “Erm. It’s… addressed to you.”

“Where did it come from?”

“It was stuck to the side of the TARDIS.” After a quick scan with the sonic glasses and some muttering, the Doctor held the box out to you. Your name was scrawled on the lid in a spidery cursive. “Be careful. Open it slowly,” he warned.

Your fingers shook as you slipped off the lid and peeled back a mass of purple tissue paper. It was a plunger. Well, no. It was a long, silver sort of stick with a black, ridged sphere-y thing on the end. A few disks wrapped around the middle. The black orb had some sort of lens on it. “Bit anticlimactic.”

The Doctor inhaled, taking the box from your hands. “That’s a Dalek eyestalk.”

“Oh, right.” You paused. “A what?”

“A member of the most dangerous species in the universe.” The Doctor’s voice wavered as he lifted the eyestalk out of the box. A bright blue ribbon was tied around it in a big bow as if it were a single rose. “And someone’s sent you its eye as a present.”

You swallowed, smelling hyacinths, as the Doctor carefully removed a card from the tissue paper. He began to read. “Dear flatterer, I’ve got my ‘beautiful eyes’ on you, and this one for good measure. XOXO.” He flipped the card over, but the back was empty. “XOXO?”

His eyes flashed up to you. “Y/N.”

You smiled weakly. “In my defense. I was definitely going to get vaporized.”

The Doctor waved the card at you. His voice was rather high. “XOXO?” he repeated.

“She told me to say something nice!” You squeaked. Your cheeks were on fire. “I didn’t know she would, um. Flirt.”

The Doctor stared at you. You squirmed. His eyebrows twitched. The glimpses of emotion you were catching in his stormy eyes weren’t good. Concern, anger, protectiveness, more concern, the Most Concern, and…?

The Doctor burst into a barking laugh. You fidgeted, holding the end of your sleeves, watching him. When it seemed like he was about to stop, he held up the eyestalk again and snorted, erupting into another round of giggles.

“You put _the moves_ ,” he finally wheezed, “on _Missy_!”

If you blushed any harder, the blood vessels in your cheeks would burst. “Oh my god, please don’t say ‘the moves’ ever again.”

“ _Missy. The Mistress_. Sending a love-token to a _human_.”

“It’s an eye-ball-stick, it’s not a—” your voice broke off, weak. “The _Mistress_? That’s her full name? Well, that’s just. That’s just kinky.” That set him off again. You stamped your foot, “Listen, she’s probably just toying with me or something. Making a big joke. Which you’ve obviously found hilarious.”

The Doctor let out a long exhale, turning the eyestalk over in his hand. When he spoke again, his voice had sobered. “You’ve just caught the attention of the most dangerous person in the universe.”

You pointed at the box. “I thought the robot-y thing was the most dangerous—”

“ _One_ of the most dangerous people in the universe,” the Doctor spoke over you, eyes narrowed. “Missy isn’t someone to take lightly, Y/N. She’s absolutely, dangerously mad, and the cleverest person I’ve ever met. And what she finds amusing one moment she finds… tiresome the next. And she doesn’t react well to things she finds tiresome.”

“Then why are you _laughing_?” you asked miserably.

The Doctor’s mouth split into a wide, shit-eating grin. “Hugs and kisses.”

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all, I can't handle Missy. Like spluttering noises when I see Michelle Gomez in anything. Like Geez-Us. I feel like there may be a direct sequel to this at some point (I've started drafting one where they go on a date, like Missy being just So Bad and Creepy at being on a real date), but definitely there will be more Missy/Reader on this account. TBD if my heart will survive it. First Missy fic posted (also first posted fic with 12 in it, wow), let me know how it went (gently I am a big quarantined bb). Stay well <3


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